The Anatomy of a F*ckboy

Posted in Romance

F*ckboys are the enemy of all women. These not-so-elusive creatures prey on confusion, tears, and broken hearts. They find solace in building you up then tearing down your self esteem, leaving your homegirls to pick up the pieces. You must avoid f*ckboys at all cost.

But that’s easier said than done. 

F*ckboys are masters of disguise, cloaking themselves in attractive menswear to suit whatever your tastes are. Do you like your men suited and booted? Maybe a little rough around the edges? Interested in a man who burns incense and calls women “queens”? They can be all that and more. Trust me when I say there’s a f*ckboy for every occasion.

Women in their late twenties and beyond are especially susceptible to their antics. As we age and the dating pool shrinks, they become more powerful- digging their ain’t-shit claws even deeper into our tender hearts. This is why it’s so important for us women of a certain age to get familiar with the anatomy of the f*ckboy. You can’t spot them with your eyes, but there are definitely ways to sniff those suckers out.

He throws around the “L” word like it’s no big deal

If your potential suitor tells you he loves you without actually committing to you, run. This is part of what’s called the “baitus et switchus” game. Their goal is to stoke the flames of your feelings so you fall for them, and fall hard, then when you finally express your “mutual” feelings they disappear. They know the more you care for them, the more it’ll hurt when they leave and f*ckboys feed off of the emotional pain of women.

If you’ve fallen for this trap in the past and wondered if you did anything wrong to drive him away know that you’re not to blame. Any man who would lie and lead you on was a piece of sh*t anyway. All you can do is lick your wounds and continue on.

He’s way too secretive

The thing with f*ckboys is, they’re never satisfied with playing one woman at a time. So if you’re dealing with a f*ckboy chances are pretty high you’re the recipient of his third “hey wifey” text that day.

If he won’t answer his phone in front of you, won’t let you see his apartment, and won’t take you out in certain parts of town chances are you’re not the only one on his radar. 

Dating around is normal. We’re young, we’re single, and Tinder exists. However, if he’s talking about seeing a future with you you better be the only fish swimming in his sea.

He’s unpredictable


A f*ckboy may text you back lightening fast one day, then go ghost for days after, only to reappear when you’re starting to move on. They rely on unpredictability to keep you trapped in a perpetual state of confusion, hoping to one day “figure them out”.

If you can’t rely on him, let him go. Someone who wants you, and I mean really wants you, will make it glaringly obvious. You should never have to hunt for clues. Your name isn’t Steve and there should be no need for a thinking chair.

While there are many parts to the f*ckboy, all his traits come together wrapped in a devilishly handsome package just waiting to hand you some emotional baggage to lug around for the rest of your life. Let’s leave that baggage unclaimed and maybe one day these blood sucking monsters will go extinct.


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  • Reply Aisha

    This. Is. Everything. “Baitus et switchus” killed me! LMAO!

    August 17, 2017 at 2:33 am
  • Reply Christian Simone

    Take me to the cross..blues clues..

    August 17, 2017 at 3:42 am
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